Panic Pals: Navigating Friendship Challenges with a Panic Disorder
Since being diagnosed with a panic and anxiety disorder, the journey of making and maintaining friendships has come with a substantial amount of challenges. It’s a path where social norms and personal struggles intersect, often leaving me feeling adrift in a sea of uncertainty.
I’m sure many of us can relate, there are times when we all feel like canceling plans. You know those days when you’re drained, and the thought of socializing seems daunting? Yet, sometimes, when you push through, you end up having an amazing time.
For individuals grappling with panic disorder, the dynamics of social interactions can be vastly different.
That familiar “I don’t feel like it today” transforms into a resounding “I can’t do this today.”
Panic and Eating Out
Eating out, sharing meals, and going for drinks together form the cornerstone of social interactions and the foundation for forging deep friendships. These shared experiences foster bonds, create memories, and strengthen connections among individuals. However, for those grappling with panic disorder, these seemingly simple activities can become daunting challenges.
The act of dining out or enjoying drinks with friends isn’t just about the food or beverages—it’s about the camaraderie, the laughter, and the sense of belonging that accompany these moments. When panic disorder enters the equation, the prospect of engaging in such social outings can evoke overwhelming feelings of anxiety and apprehension.
For individuals with panic disorder, the fear of experiencing a panic attack in public settings can loom large, casting a shadow over what should be enjoyable occasions. The anticipation of potential triggers, coupled with the inability to predict or control panic symptoms, can make dining out or socializing feel like insurmountable hurdles.
As a result, maintaining friendships can become increasingly challenging. The inability to participate in social gatherings may lead to feelings of isolation and alienation, further exacerbating the strain on relationships. Friends may struggle to understand the complexities of panic disorder, inadvertently contributing to feelings of guilt or inadequacy in those affected.
In essence, the difficulty in engaging in these seemingly mundane activities underscores the profound impact of panic disorder on social interactions and friendship dynamics. It highlights the importance of empathy, understanding, and accommodation in supporting individuals grappling with mental health challenges as they navigate the complexities of maintaining meaningful connections in a social world.
Friends Achieving the Unthinkable
In my twenties, I’ve grappled with profound loneliness, feeling inadequate compared to others. It’s a vulnerability to admit, yet despite being in a loving, thriving relationship for the past six years and holding a leadership position in a Mental Health Charity, that sense of inadequacy remains steadfast.
While I’ve managed to reclaim certain aspects of my life with the aid of medication (a topic I plan to delve into in a future blog post), the feeling of isolation persists. My peers celebrate milestones like baby showers with 50 guests and weddings with 200 attendees, while I struggle to gather even a small group of friends. It’s a relentless wave of alienation that washes over me, making it challenging not only to relate to them but also to fathom achieving similar milestones myself—such as a wedding day or having a child.
Social media exacerbates these feelings of inadequacy. It often serves as a platform for showcasing only the positive aspects of life—successes and achievements without context. You might see someone purchasing a brand-new four-bedroom house at 26, not realizing they received a significant financial windfall to assist them. The lack of context can lead to unrealistic comparisons and feelings of inadequacy, particularly for individuals grappling with panic disorder.
While social media has its merits, it can also be detrimental for those navigating mental health challenges. While I do share my successes on social platforms, I recognize the importance of stepping back from social media when it begins to negatively impact my well-being.
Navigating friendships amidst others’ successes can be equally challenging. Celebrating small victories while witnessing others achieve significant milestones can evoke feelings of insecurity and isolation.
In essence, forming and maintaining friendships while grappling with feelings of inadequacy and navigating social media’s curated realities can be an uphill battle. Yet, acknowledging these challenges is the first step towards fostering understanding and resilience.
What not to say to a friend with a panic disorder
So, what if you’re friends with someone with a panic disorder?
Someone with a panic disorder should fully understand that you can’t cure their condition or even stop a panic attack from occurring. The best thing you can do is to learn about the disorder, how it works and how it presents itself.
Symptoms include:
Trembling/Shaking
Shortness of Breath
Headaches
Chest Pain
Rapid Heart Rate
Disorientation and Dizziness
Fear of losing control
Overheating and sweating
Nausea
Hyperventilating and Rapid Breathing
When someone experiences these symptoms, they don’t have control over what is happening. It’s not as simple as ‘just stop thinking about it’ or ‘get over’ what has just happened – there is a mental health change that must be managed to get the desired outcome.
Recognize their need to work through it – Don’t say “Calm Down”
Telling a friend with a panic disorder to calm own or that they are overreacting is not going to help – surprisingly! It will make it much harder for them to come through it. Instead, you need to recognise that they need to work through the process in that moment of panic and find their way forward. Talk them through it and about ways you can help them in that moment – what do they need?
Realize this is a real problem – Don’t Shame Them
It’s essential to remember that they can’t control what’s happening to them in the moment and this is a genuine mental health condition that requires professional treatment. When you tell someone that they are overreacting or belittle them into thinking what is happening to them is ‘in their head’, you only make the situation worse.
Don’t keep asking “are you ok?” – Navigating the Dynamics of Control
In the realm of panic disorder, the concept of control holds significant weight—it’s both a source of anxiety and a means of coping. In my experience, my sister has adopted a unique approach that has been incredibly supportive. She refrains from treating me differently until I vocalize my discomfort or the onset of panic. Whether we’re shopping together or taking a leisurely stroll, she maintains a sense of normalcy. However, the moment I express unease or the onset of panic, she willingly relinquishes control to me. She allows me to guide our actions and supports me through the process. This approach, while undoubtedly challenging for her, has been immensely beneficial for me.
Also, when friends exhibit excessive concern or repeatedly inquire about my well-being, it can inadvertently intensify my anxiety. The constant questioning triggers a cascade of thoughts and analysis—why am I feeling this way? Why aren’t I panicking? I usually do in this situation”. Before I know it, panic begins to take hold.
Navigating the dynamics of control and support in the context of panic disorder is complex. It requires a delicate balance—one that allows individuals to feel empowered while also providing the necessary support and understanding from loved ones. In my journey, finding the right balance has been instrumental in managing panic attacks and fostering a sense of control amidst the chaos of anxiety.
So, what can you do to help?
If you’re aware that your friend is seeking professional help, such as therapy or medication, it’s important to be mindful of how their disorder affects them and to recognize their personal warning signs. It’s crucial not to place undue expectations on them and to avoid shaming them for canceling plans. Instead, consider engaging in social activities together at home or accommodating them a bit more during rough patches. From a personal standpoint, all I seek are low-maintenance friendships—I may not text every day, rarely initiate calls or FaceTime, and might have weeks of withdrawal before suddenly feeling up to going out for a wine date. What I need most is patience and understanding.
However, if you become aware that your friend is struggling with a panic disorder, either through their disclosure or by observing physical symptoms, it’s important to intervene and offer support. While some may argue that it’s not a friend’s place and that professional intervention is necessary, panic disorders often require a more proactive approach.
I experienced such an intervention from my family—some members called me despite rarely doing so, expressing genuine concern and urging me to seek help. They even traveled from the Midlands to be by my side, offering financial support for therapy and accompanying me to doctor’s appointments. Sometimes, the overwhelming nature of panic disorders makes it nearly impossible to seek help independently. In my case, I vividly remember my last doctor’s appointment—I was in such a state of panic that I couldn’t sit still, refusing to have my blood pressure taken and feeling overwhelmed by the simplest stimuli. In such instances, intervention from loved ones can be instrumental in encouraging and facilitating the path to recovery.
Express Concern
Let your friend know that you are concerned about their well-being and that you’re there to support them. Be compassionate and non-judgmental in your approach.
Encourage Open Communication
Encourage your friend to open up about their feelings and experiences. Let them know that you are willing to listen without judgment and that they can confide in you whenever they need to.
Offer Practical Support
Offer to accompany your friend to appointments or support them in finding resources for treatment. Sometimes, having a supportive friend by their side can make seeking help feel less daunting.
Set Boundaries
It’s essential to set boundaries and take care of your own well-being as well. Supporting a friend with a panic disorder can be emotionally draining, so make sure to prioritize self-care and seek support from others if needed.
Also respect the friends boundaries – people with a panic disorder will often try to conceal it so if they set a boundary, it must be very important to maintain that boundary
Encourage Self-Help Strategies
Offer suggestions for self-help strategies that may help alleviate symptoms of panic disorder, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, and relaxation exercises.
Be Patient and Persistent
Encouraging your friend to seek help may take time and persistence. Be patient and continue to express your concern and support, even if they initially resist the idea of treatment.
In conclusion, navigating friendships with panic and anxiety is a non linear journey. It’s about finding the courage to speak your truth, set boundaries, and seek out those who respect and support you. Remember – you aren’t alone, and together we can create a space where panic pals and anxiety allies can find solace and understanding under the umbrella of Calm Corner.
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